I am not okay. I am alive, but I am stressed. I’m reminding myself of my blessings, but I am struggling to stay afloat. There are times when things can pile up on you, and life can be overwhelming. I’m learning to be okay with not being 100% positive all the time. I’m learning that I don’t have to be a teacher or a therapist to be influential. I’m learning to just be myself and be okay with that. It’s hard, in all honesty.
I feel this indescribable need to help people, to want to inspire, aid, save, etc. When I rebranded and focused on mental health, it became clear that mine was suffering. It wasn’t the right path for me and my happiness. Every time you go on an airplane, the flight attendants always tell you incase of an emergency to put your own oxygen mask before assisting others or children. The same principle applies in real life, you can’t help someone if you’re struggling yourself.
I think this realization makes me feel sad because I know in my heart helping people is the right thing to do, I know that is my desire, and I know that I used to feel lonely, unhappy, depressed, suicidal, and so much more. The problem starts when we start helping others more than we help ourselves. We all deserve happiness, love, and kindness. Sometimes we can be so nice to others, that we neglect our own needs. The idea of being ‘nice’ doesn’t always include having personal boundaries, in fact, it’s easy to think that to be nice we have to never say no and do our best to be there for everyone.
This is such a toxic mentality. This is a difficult lesson for me, perhaps even for you, but an important one. It’s toxic because if we exhaust ourselves trying to help others, we do no one favors. If we are not happy and well, there is no way we can give back or spread love. I need to find a good balance. I’m going to be selfish (I state as my internal compass screams, “What are you doing you evil being?!”). No! I scream back, because I’ve done so much for others, it’s about damn time I start investing back into myself. My energy is drained, but my heart is hopeful. I’m going to keep reminding myself that my value doesn’t have to be education. My value is just being me, who I am, being happy, fostering happiness, and living my best life.
I will be selfish, I am strong; I am enough.