I almost deleted this blog, but I can’t let go of you. This blog is my baby and throughout the 10 years since I started making content, I am back again. Life has a funny way of giving you what you need and challenging us to tackle our struggles.
Amidst taking a break from content-creation, I can proudly say I’m going to graduate school for graphic design! I am so proud of how far I’ve come, and it warms my heart to know this blog and my story helped me get here.
When I started blogging, my goal was to share my artwork and thoughts. Now? I’m basically doing the same thing haha, except unlike my teenage years I am focusing on a very special person: myself. I know what you may be thinking, “What a selfish bxtch!”. Why thank you. I’ve spent all my life focusing on others emotions, prioritizing them, worrying, trying to control or change them. Now I’m FINALLY learning to put me first.
I started reading a book my therapist recommended to me called, Codependent No More, (highly recommend) and I realized why I’ve been so miserable. I would go out my way to help others to the point where I would neglect myself. I took on their emotions and felt responsible for them. I did everything in my power to try and make them feel better, and when they wouldn’t I’d feel guilty. When they felt better, I’d feel shitty because again my boundaries were crossed. I will say this, I have no regrets. I’ve been learning so much and I truly believe everything happens for a reason.
I get it now. I understand this cycle is unhealthy, and it’s OK to be selfish. Society and content-creation are so focused on constantly giving and producing. While this isn’t necessarily bad, and I do care about making others happy, there needs to be a balance. We need to listen to our own voice too. We are responsible for our own emotions.
I won’t lie, I’ve always been the type of person who cares more about others than the average human being. I empathize and feel strongly. This is a strength I need to learn to manage. I’ve been unbalanced, and by finally learning to be selfish I can actually help myself AND others. Who knew?
Thank God for the opportunities I have right now. I can just focus on being happy, finishing school, and taking it a day at a time. I feel so much stronger and it’s so reassuring to know that by just being me, by being brave and putting myself out there, I can express myself and maybe inspire someone on the way. Thank God for this life, and thank you (P.S. What are you grateful for? Would love to hear in the comments! Practicing an attitude of gratitude!).
Thank you for being understanding and kind. I’m so blessed to know you and I can’t wait to keep growing together. So much love! Have a Happy Easter weekend!